Up until this past year my father had always been some hybrid blend of superhero and demigod in my eyes. Anything that went wrong I knew when I finally told my dad he would tell me everything would be okay and hug me...tell me how beautiful I am..and then make me laugh. And then he did something that I never saw coming, he left, I mean not me he left my mother but it felt like he left me. His choosen method was cowardly, something again I've never saw coming! And then something I had always been told about my father was staring me smack dab in my face.... My daddy is merely a MAN. Growing up my view and relationship with my father was often romantized by my friends and even by me. There was no way you could convince me that my father couldn't leap buildings in a single bound. When my magic carpet was yanked out from underneath me I found myself turning to any man in my life to find that father figure, mind you my dad just left the house not my life. Dumping all my frustration on people who really have their own lives...but only when I felt like it and just engrossed myself in to selfish, deep depression...majorly based on the realization that my father is a "mere mortal." After a real conversation with my little brother and my father I'm okay with the fact that my father is in fact human.
I actually consider myself pretty lucky it took until I was 27 years old before I saw my dad as a Man, mistakes, flaws and all. I am still an ultimate "Daddy's girl" but I am more of a functioning adult. No longer feeling the need to dump my sadness on the man in my life, I do want to apologize to "him" though. I am sincerely sorry for the extra stress and drama I've been causing... I am putting myself on time out!!!
I was always one to stress how important a father is in his daughther's life but I think I sincerely believe it now looking back on how my father with his decisions has affected my love life.
But I'm not going to lie and say that I don't miss the days of naivety when I curled up in my dad's lap and squished my cheek next to his for as long as I could...and my daddy was my personal superhero...
Sometimes growing up is bittersweet.....
Sometimes growing up is bittersweet.....
2 comments:
It's crazy how a child's love for a parent(s) can morph into one's own adventure of self-actualization.
I relate in ways to this story that I won't share online, but Eve-y, just know that I applaud the way you handled the situation, and continue to be your awesomely awesome self!
Keep on truckin', girl!
Kev....... Thank you... I'm glad that I was able to accurately document my feelings, cause this blog actually took a long time to write... =/
You da Man!!!
Post a Comment