So I got an email from one of my sisters. A very loving email that spoke of concern about my view on relationships amongst other topics.I am a realist-romantic! I believe in relationships, I believe in marriage and above all else I believe in LOVE. I just have an extremely real view on them..which explains why I tend to play therapist to a lot of people ...I'm honest...sometimes brutally..*I'm working on that*! But I'm not afraid to be real.." You think he's cheating ..why...okay well leave! Oh what you can't ...then stay..and shut the fuck up...and let it go..don't ask where he's going..don't make him pay...for you choosing to stay!"..for example!
I always give this disclaimer...I am no relationship Guru...I am not married nor have I found the love of my life....hell I haven't even had a relationship outside of friendship that has lasted more than a year. But I am still cool..and speak to most of my ex's and ex lovers. Though most people view this as negative, I don't! I think it gives me wisdom on a what a beautiful and loving relationship should be. I am able to sit back and realize the mistakes I've made, in my actions, in my thought process ( I tend to be stubborn and cold especially when I'm mad) and in some cases my selection in men. Men love my "guy-like" thought process women love my straight forward talk on what we (women) and men do wrong in relationships.
Even though I do, what I call a "self-check" I still find declaring my feelings to someone I'm involved with extremely difficult. And though I am doing much better in this...its almost painful to say out loud, text or email a raw emotion I have barely come to terms with myself. And though I do not regret any of my declarations...I do find it hard to not break down and be a "BW" basic woman. Its an odd situation to find one's self advising someone you barely 8 months ago told that you were in love with them, to do the same to an ex girlfriend! Or giving congratulations to not one but four past lovers on fatherhood or marriage! The sting comes..from not from them moving on but from the fact that only one out of those situations actually was caring enough to ask how I was feeling..with the news. And it wasn't the gentleman I confessed my love to.
See my belief that I won't be getting married doesn't come from thinking I'm not marriage material because of my "adventurous" views on sex, or because I believe in being a real friend before a girlfriend, or because I'm so laid back.as I have been told from a few different people! Its because ...people are not caring anymore...! They do not care for your feelings they apologize for things before they hear what has hurt you, in the first place! They do not believe or know what love really is...what is looks like!And though I long for that feeling..I have that romantic dream of being passionately in love with him and him of me...I know my deeply rooted understanding of love, loyalty and admiration will not ever be compromised ! But I support all those who have found theirs or think they have...and say...
LOVE WITHOUT FEAR AND LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY NOT JUST YOUR BELOVED BUT YOURSELF!
Until next time here's my lipstick...
